I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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