Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
