my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
