PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize