Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
