ugly people sure do ruin things
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
