I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
