Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
