good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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