I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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