where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize