I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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