Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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