It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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