I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
