even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
