And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
