hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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