She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
