Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize