4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
