so that wasnt chicken after all
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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