Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize