eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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