I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
