nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize