Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
