11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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