a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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