Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
