Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
