Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
