Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
