drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize