So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
