he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize