just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
