So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
