She said her name was "party"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
