walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
