i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize