there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
