she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Someone signed my nipple.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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