Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
