I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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