nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
