Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
