I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
