We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
