2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
