And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
