just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize