My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
