youre lurking in front of me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
