please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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