i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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