it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
