I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Randomize
