I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
