You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This girl is more easily done than said...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
