I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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