You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
