i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
