It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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