She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
