And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
