If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
