this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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