I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
